Thursday, July 18, 2013


The Invisible Mother

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I’m thinking, ‘Can’t you see I’m on the phone?’

Obviously not; no one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I’m invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, ‘What time is it?’ I’m a satellite guide to answer, ‘What number is the Disney Channel?’ I’m a car to order, ‘Right around 5:30, please.’

Some days I’m a crystal ball; ‘Where’s my other sock? Where’s my phone?, What’s for dinner?’

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history, music and literature -but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She’s going, she’s going, and she’s gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . She had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when she turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, ‘I brought you this.’ It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription: ‘With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.’

In the days ahead I would read – no, devour – the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: 1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals – we have no record of their names. 2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. 3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. 4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A story of legend in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, ‘Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see it And the workman replied, ‘Because God sees.’

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was Almost as if I heard God whispering to me, ‘I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, no Cub Scout meeting, no last minute errand is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, ‘My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.’ That would mean I’d built a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, he’d say, ‘You’re gonna love it there…’

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.

- Anonymous

Monday, August 20, 2012

It's a "No Brainer"

At times, he is more genius than even he realizes! Obviously, his creation is modeled after the Longview Police Department as evidenced by the absence of any brains!

So proud of my little man!!!

Monday, August 6, 2012


Life is a good thing...finally!

It's amazing how things fall into place when we let go of anger. Over the last year, I've learned that I am stronger than I ever imagined possible. I have faced some of the toughest moments but did not back down. Those moments have made me stronger and more confident in my abilities. I lost a dear, dear friend to a cruel, savage disease but did not let it cloud my belief. I have let go of the negative forces that negative people have brought into my life and simply view them as forces and people to be pitied. Their problems do not affect my life and I simply sweep their negativity and "sickness" out the door. Mental/emotional healing has made way for physical healing and taking the time to put myself as a priority. I have done a lot of soul searching and found answers that, at times, have surprise even myself!

Life is a good thing...finally!

Monday, July 30, 2012

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Getting Personal

On a cold, snowy day in February of 2010, all I knew as true for four and a-half years was confirmed. As I sat in the examining room taking in every last thing she told me, I knew with everything in me that my child was truly a miracle. “After all I’ve seen, your son should honestly not be here today. That you were able to carry him to term is a miracle in itself. He is, by all definition of the word, a miracle.”

For six years, I have been blessed by this miracle’s presence - waking each day to his beautiful smile and “I love you, Mommy”…lying down each night to go to sleep with his little arms wrapped around my neck and “I love you, Mommy”…midday hugs, play breaks and “I love you, Mommy”. He and I have a special relationship. The only child of a single mom - a bond that really is much different than any other. We did everything together, went everywhere together, and never ventured from the other for too long. My little shadow, my welcome distraction. Just me and him against the world.

I have always been the one to be there for my little man no matter what the situation. When he was jaundiced and needed to be awakened every two hours all through the night, I was the one rocking him and feeding him. When he was up all night sick from his immunizations, I was the one who held him and walked with him. When he was terribly sick and hospitalized, I was the one lying next to him in the bed holding his hand, rubbing his forehead, singing him songs. When he was struck in the face with a golf club and his nose was broken, I was the one who rushed him to the emergency room and never left his side. First day of preschool, first day of kindergarten, school programs, carnivals, parties and field trips…I was always there. I did not try to terminate my parental rights three times simply because I hated the other parent and did not want the financial responsibility. I held on with everything I had and fought for my son’s right to see the other parent to foster a solid, healthy relationship even when that other parent missed visit upon visit upon visit. I put my child first and made him a priority when the other parent was not willing to do so. Isn’t that what parents are supposed to do?

Because that other parent’s hatred toward me has escalated and his obsession with revenge is his priority, our world has been turned upside down. Individuals who have no stake in my child’s life are now calling the shots. Men who know nothing about my child…his wants, his needs, his worries, his concerns, his problems…are making all the decisions. My child means nothing to these individuals yet they are the ones in charge. It never should have gotten to this point. I was willing to do what was best for my son whether it was what I wanted or not. My wants, my needs did not matter. My child’s did.

I am angry, frustrated, infuriated and hurt. I am worried, concerned, fearful and tired. I continue to hold on to all I can now – HOPE. I no longer have faith as faith is being certain of something we do not see. There is no certainty for me. I know that there will be a lesson to come from all of this…I am curious as to just what that lesson will be. In the meantime, I will continue my fight and be strong for my son – My Miracle!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Monster Trap

Bless his pointed little head!

I found this Hershey Kiss glued to my bed frame this morning.  When I asked Logan what it was, he simply replied, "It's a monster trap mommy.  If the monsters come to get me in the middle of the night, they will see the candy and eat it and go away!"

More than once I find myself saying ..."If life were only that easy!"

Friday, April 8, 2011

Oh The Things Kids Say

I am so proud of my little man.  I attended his "Open House" last night (in lieu of conferences this trimester) and WoW - what progress he's made!  I am simply amazed at his abilities.  He's come so far.

And I MUST share a special moment...a moment that only a mother can appreciate (well, maybe not so much...I actually wanted to run and hide under the nearest rock!)

Logan's teacher told me that they had been studying snails in science and were learning all the different parts of the snail.  Logan, in all his snail knowledge, said, "Mrs. Stackley, I know how snails move" to which Mrs. Stackley responded, "Well Logan, how do snails move?"  and then..."they crawl on their peteys."  WA-BAM!!!  Out of the Mouths of Babes Part Doux!


Logan's broken nose in September 2010.  I still cringe and get teary-eyed when I think of this.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

By Gosh, I Think He's Got It!

Well, after only seven months (humor me here), I think little man finally figured it out...he LOVES school.  If you will recall (those of you who know us KNOW the drama all too well), at the beginning of the school year Logan would NOT go into his classroom without clinging to me, crying, screaming, and running after me.  Special accomodations were made for Logan to be taken to the "bus stop" line on the other side of the school where I would drop him off and walk him to the bus line and his special "bus stop teacher" would be waiting for him.  She would hold on to little man and soothe him while I walked away and headed home.  This routine, too, took some time BUT...

After seven long months he's got it!!! 

Today, when I started to walk Logan across the crosswalk, he let go of my hand, waved a casual "hey" to Mr. O and took off at a sprinter's pace to the bus line.  No kisses, no hugs, no "bye mama."  He simply ran off and never looked back. 

I am so very proud of my little man.  At the same time, however, my heart cringes just a bit knowing that this is only the beginning of things to come. 

Friday, April 1, 2011

Child Abuse Prevention Month

April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month...a subject VERY close to my heart.  All who know me, and know me well, know that children are my passion - their health, safety and welfare above all else.  To break the spirit and soul of an innocent child is something that we must not tolerate.  We must not remain silent.  We must take a stand and let our voices be heard for those who, through no circumstance of their own, do not have a voice.

There are many organizations out there that help abused and neglected children each and every day.  My dream, my hope? - to see these organizations close their doors.  Why?  Because their services will no longer be needed.  Child abuse and neglect will have been erradicated.  In a perfect world!

Unforunately, this world is FAR from perfect.  So, until we get closer to the erradication of child abuse, these organizations are much needed.  The organization closest to my heart is CASA - Court Appointed Special Advocates.  As a volunteer CASA for two years I was able to see first-hand just what this amazing non-profit organzation does to help those who need them most.  It was a privilege and an honor to be a voice for the children and to know, through one little smile, one tiny touch, one whispered thank you, that I was making a difference. 

There is so much all of us can do to raise awareness of child abuse and neglect.  It is our responsibility to do that.  Don't go quietly if you see a child being hurt...SAY SOMETHING, DO SOMETHING!  Let that child know that someone DOES care!

Please take a moment to visit your local CASA organization or National CASA at:

I will leave you with some parting images and words from "The Child Abuse Survivor Monument"


Who’s to pay at the end of the day
For the cruelty and pain
That obliterated all sunshine or rain?

Unforgiveness, the judgement, children’s innocent illusion
The apparent unreality and impossible resolution.

Who’s to pay?

Who’s to pay at the end of the day
For the bitterness and sadness
The overwhelming madness?

Healing the Wounds

People that called me their family
Stabbed my life with a knife
and in the end they chose to twist it
Instead of choosing to help heal my wounds.

Now I have a new life and people that I call family
I now know how it feels to be
truly and unconditionally loved.
It is real! It is genuine!

Dear God

Please help the children
of this world;

They are hurt and hurting
and are crushed beneath the weight
of our insanity.

Please bless the children
and awaken us
before it is too late.